Showing Your Emotions
by LuvIshida1985
Summary: PG-13 b/c of the use of the f word. if you don't care read on. Ok. Draco has some problems. Harry notices. Draco talks to Dumbledore. Will be eventual H/D. Hope you like.
1. Draco Changes

Showing Your Emotions  
  
Chapter 1: Draco Changes  
  
Draco Malfoy was sitting up in one of the many towers at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. He was just sitting there, doing nothing but stare at the sky. You're probably wondering why the hell he was sitting in the tower, huh? Well, the answer is quite simple. It was the only place where he could go to think clearly.  
  
Not a single person, students or teachers, knew that he had a problem. In fact, he had a big problem. He was depressed. Not the 'Oh I'm gonna cry' kind of depressed, but the 'I want to kill myself' kind of depressed. And he did. He wanted to die, but he couldn't bring himself to take his own life. So instead, he just sat on the windowsill, thinking about his life and how screwed up it was.  
  
See, his father had never really liked him. In fact, he had taken to beating Draco to help relieve his anger and frustration about other things. His mother was no help either because she always took his father's side in things. Also, he had an entirely different secret that he did not want to get out. He, Draco Malfoy, was gay. Now this in itself was not so bad, but he had done something completely unthinkable. He had fallen in love with Harry Potter. He had fallen for the enemy. His nemesis. After all of the bickering and insults, he had to go and fall in love with the one person he could never be with. He cringed at the thought. What would his father say if he ever found out? He would probably cast the kill spell right then and there. Although, he supposed that would be a blessing. It would save him the trouble of doing the deed himself.  
  
He sighed as he saw the first light of dawn creeping over the horizon. He stood and silently made his way down to the main hall. He took a seat at his table and waited for the rest of the Slytherin to arrive. It didn't take very long. About ten minutes later everyone was present and, after a few words from Dumbledore, the food was served. He didn't really eat much, he just picked at a few things. He was lost too deep in thought to notice somebody standing behind him and looked up only when Professor Snape cleared his throat.  
  
"I need a word with you Malfoy," he said evenly, motioning for Draco to follow him. He did as he was told followed Snape out of the main hall and into the entryway.  
  
"Yes Professor?" he asked, pretending to be curious. Snape eyed him coolly for a minute before replying.  
  
"It has been brought to my attention that you have been missing from the dormitory at night for the past week or so. Would you care to explain why?"  
  
"No sir, I wouldn't," Draco replied calmly. Snape looked a little taken aback but he regained his composure a moment later and looked Malfoy in the eyes.  
  
"Then you will have to serve detention and I will have to inform Dumbledore about your actions."  
  
"That's fine. Can I go now?" asked Draco indifferently. Snape nodded.  
  
"You may go." He waved his hand in dismissal.  
  
Malfoy turned to leave. Had he looked closely enough, he would have noticed the look of concern on Snape's face. Malfoy sighed. Instead of heading back into the dining hall he walked out into the yard and headed toward the greenhouses. There were no classes that day, so he could basically do whatever he wanted. Upon reaching the third greenhouse, he circled around behind them and sat down on the hill overlooking the lake. It was a beautiful view but Draco wasn't really seeing anything. He was thinking to hard to notice anything around him. A werewolf could have come bounding out of the forest and up the hill and attacked him and he probably wouldn't have noticed. In fact, something similar did happen. A werewolf didn't come bounding up the hill but Harry Potter and his two best friends, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger, did. They stopped when they saw Malfoy and Ron snickered. He couldn't pass up such an opportunity to insult the other boy.  
  
"Why so glum Malfoy? Did somebody die?" he asked in mock concern.  
  
"His father, hopefully," added Hermione with a laugh.  
  
Draco didn't reply. He just sat there; chin resting on his drawn up knees, staring out over the lake. He had stopped caring what other people thought or said about him a long time ago. The two Gryffindors seemed surprised by his lack of response and looked at each other in confusion. Ron opened his mouth to say something to goad Malfoy into responding but Harry cut him off.  
  
"Come on guys. Hagrid's expecting us," he said, ushering them down the hill and toward Hagrid's cabin on the edge of the forest. Harry spared one backwards glance and almost stopped dead in his tracks. He wasn't sure if what he saw shocked or horrified him more. Draco Malfoy was crying. He wasn't making a single sound but tears were streaming in little rivulets down his face. He couldn't believe how different his nemesis now was. Come to think of it, he had noticed a lot of changes in Malfoy lately. He had stopped taunting him and his friends, and everyone else for that matter. He had lost some weight probably because he didn't seem to be eating anymore. And he was more pale than usual and he had big black circles under his eyes, like he hadn't slept in a long time.  
  
Harry decided right then and there that he wanted to try and help the other boy. As much as they had argued and insulted one another, Harry really did like the other boy. So now he just had to find out what was wrong and maybe he could help.  
  
~* change of scene~*  
  
Malfoy sat patiently waiting for Dumbledore to see him. Snape had been true to his word and reported his actions to the headmaster. It was about one o'clock when he had been called to Dumbledore's office and now he was just waiting for the old wizard to arrive. After waiting for twenty minutes, he was startled to hear a voice speak from behind him.  
  
"I'm sorry about the wait Malfoy. Minerva had some trouble with a few of her first year Gryffindors."  
  
Malfoy nodded but said nothing.  
  
"Now then," continued Dumbledore. "Snape tells me that you seem to be missing from your dormitory every night for the past few weeks. And that you refuse to tell him why. Is that true?"  
  
"Yes sir," he replied almost automatically.  
  
"Do you want to tell me why you disappear every night?"  
  
"No sir, not really."  
  
"Well, why don't you tell me anyway." When Draco remained silent he continued. "I really don't want to have to use a truth potion of you. Why don't you just tell me." Draco sighed in defeat.  
  
"I want to think and I can't do it in the dormitory."  
  
"So where do you go to think? I won't tell anyone," he hastily added when Malfoy shot him a suspicious look. Draco looked at him and then out the window.  
  
"The east tower," he said. Damn. Now he'd have to find a new place to go.  
  
"What do you think about so late at night? Why do you feel the need to sneak away in the middle of the night?"  
  
"I want to be alone," was the simple answer.  
  
"You know, I have noticed a few things about you lately. You've been rather distant and more quiet than usual. Does this behavior have anything to do with your late night thinking?"  
  
"Yes sir," he replied slowly.  
  
"Come one Draco. You can trust me you know. I won't bite."  
  
"I know sir. But I've never talked to anyone about any of my problems before. I guess I'm a little frightened."  
  
"There's no need to be afraid. I'm only trying to help you. Now, what's been troubling you lately?" Draco looked at the old wizard and sighed.  
  
"Practically everything," he began. He told Dumbledore everything about his father and then paused before continuing. "Professor, I've done something totally unthinkable. My father will kill me if he ever finds out."  
  
"What's that?" prompted Dumbledore. Draco took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. He looked at the old wizard then shifted his gaze to the floor.  
  
"I…I fell…in love…with…with Harry Potter," he said around the lump in his throat. Dumbledore's eyes widened as realization set in.  
  
"Oh my. I see," was the only intelligent thing he could say. Draco sighed dejectedly.  
  
"Can I go now," he pleaded.  
  
"Of course. Is it alright if I tell Professor Snape about this situation so he doesn't go punishing you every five minutes?"  
  
"I…I guess so. Thank you Professor."  
  
"Your welcome. If there's anything Professor Snape or I can do for you, please let us know. We are here to help."  
  
Draco nodded and left to head down to the Slytherin common room. He slid inside and went unnoticed up to his bedroom. Throwing himself onto the bed he proceeded to stare blankly at the ceiling. He was a little startled when somebody knocked on his door. He hadn't thought that anyone knew he was there.  
  
"Come in," he called." The door opened to reveal a rather odd looking Snape. He looked nicer somehow. There was an air of genuine kindness surrounding the usually cruel potions teacher.  
  
(A/N. I bet you didn't see that one coming. Snape is gonna actually be nice. Oh, the horror!!! ^_^)  
  
"You detention has been cancelled," he said by way of greeting.  
  
"Oh." They stared at each other for a minute before Malfoy spoke.  
  
"Did…did he tell you everything?" he asked, resuming his staring contest with the ceiling. Snape sat down on the edge of his bed and nodded.  
  
"Yes," he answered slowly. "You know, you could have told me. I wouldn't have judged you." Malfoy looked a little surprised.  
  
"You don't mind the whole Potter thing?" Snape raised his eyebrow in amusement.  
  
"Mind? Why would I mind?"  
  
"I thought you hated Potter."  
  
"No, I don't hate Harry. I hated his father. I just have a bad habit of taking my hate out on his son."  
  
"That makes sense, I think. It's kind of like the Weasley's. They hate my father but they assume I'm like him and take their hate out on me."  
  
"Exactly," said Snape. He looked at Malfoy, who was still staring at the ceiling, for a minute. "You shouldn't bottle everything up inside. It's really not healthy."  
  
Malfoy glanced at him out of the corner of his eye.  
  
"It's hard. I'm not used to showing emotions. My father never approved of it. He said if it wasn't anger or hate then it made you look weak."  
  
"Well it certainly does not make you look weak," said Snape fiercely. "It takes a lot of guts to show what you're feeling. And don't you dare let anyone else tell you any different. You got it?"  
  
"Yeah," replied Draco a little shocked by the intensity of Snape's statement.  
  
"Ok then. I have to go and help some students with a potions test they need to make up. But, if you need anything, anything at all, please don't hesitate to tell me." Draco gave him a small half-hearted grin.  
  
"Thank you Professor."  
  
Snape nodded and then disappeared out the door. Draco returned his gaze to the ceiling and took some time to think about what had just happened. Snape had been helpful and had told him he could go to him for anything. His day had suddenly gotten very strange.  
  
A/N. Ok. I've had the idea for this story sitting in my brain, so I decided to write it down and clear some space out for other ideas to gather in. Anyway, what do you think? Good? Bad? Mediocre? Please review. If I don't get at least five reviews I might not continue. So let me know what you think. Thanx for reading.  
  
~YamatoLuv7~ 


	2. A Change for the Better

Showing Your Emotions  
  
Chapter 2: A change for the better  
  
  
  
  
  
After Professor Snape left, Draco remained on his bed until it was time for dinner. He slowly made his way down to the great hall and slumped into his seat at the Slytherin table. He was tired, frustrated and confused. He wasn't paying attention to anything or anyone around him and, after a while, everyone finally got the hint and didn't bother him. Around halfway through the meal he stood abruptly and walked out of the room, leaving the whole table looking after him in surprise. Not really sure what to do, he just started walking and hoped that he wouldn't end up somewhere that he didn't belong. His mind was racing and he couldn't seem to form a single coherent thought. He was so confused and wasn't sure what to do about it. He looked up, startled, when the door to his right was flung open and Professor Snape beckoned him inside. Draco hadn't even realized that he was any where near Snape's office. The potion's teacher motioned him inside again and he slowly complied. He sat down in the big armchair by the fire and drew his knees up to his chest. Snape sat down in the chair across from Draco and just looked at him. When he didn't respond, Snape cleared his throat and spoke.  
  
"I saw you leave the hall and thought you might need somebody to talk to," he said quietly.  
  
Draco looked at him for a moment, then at his hands, which were gripping his legs tightly, and then back at Snape again.  
  
"Professor," he began. "I…I just don't know what to do."  
  
"Do about what?" asked Snape kindly.  
  
"Everything," said Draco bitterly. "My life has been screwed up for so long, professor, and I don't know how to fix it or if it can even be fixed. I mean, what's the point of my existence if there's nothing for me to live for."  
  
Snape regarded him for a minute before responding.  
  
"Everyone exists for a reason, Draco. You just need to find your reason. It's out there somewhere. You just have to keep your eyes open."  
  
"I know that sir, but I've been looking for so long and then when I did find a reason, I wasn't good enough. It's just so frustrating."  
  
Draco fell silent and dropped his gaze to the floor. His eyes wandered around the room and rested on a small cabinet in the corner. On top of that cabinet, shining brightly in the firelight, was an emerald green stone. 'It's the same color as Harry's eyes' he thought. He jerked his eyes away from it and forced himself to look at the fire. He couldn't think about Harry now. It was too painful, knowing that you were in love with someone who you couldn't have.  
  
Snape looked over at the cabinet and smiled slightly.  
  
"It's a beautiful stone, isn't it?" he asked softly.  
  
Draco flinched slightly but responded with a rather quiet "yes sir." Snape didn't miss Malfoy's flinch and decided to ask him about it.  
  
"What were you thinking about just now?" he asked curiously.  
  
"Nothing…the stone just reminded me of something, that's all."  
  
Snape wasn't fooled. "What did it remind you of?" Draco didn't answer. "What did it remind you of?" he asked again.  
  
Draco sighted in defeat. "His eyes," he said very quietly.  
  
Understanding flashed in Snape's eyes and he stayed silent for a few minutes.  
  
"You should really tell him. He ought to know."  
  
"I know," said Draco in a frustrated voice. "But I don't know how and I don't want to make a fool of myself."  
  
"Just tell him what you feel. Ask him to listen."  
  
"But what if he says no, then what?"  
  
"Then he's dumber than I gave him credit for. Just let him know. You'll feel better afterwards."  
  
"I think about it," said Draco cautiously. "I better go. I have homework to do."  
  
Snape nodded help the door open for him.  
  
"Thanks professor," Malfoy said as he left the office and headed down the hall toward the Slytherin common room. Once inside, he gathered his books up and settled onto his bed to do his homework. He finished his potions homework and was just starting his essay for his history of magic class when a little voice in the back of his head started to speak up. He tried to ignore it but after an hour, he gave up. 'I need to talk to him' he thought bleakly. 'The worst he could do is say no.' So, after putting his books away, he got up and went in search of Harry. He decided to start in the great hall, since that was a likely place to find almost anyone. When he entered the hall, his eyes scanned the Gryffindor section and rested on none other than Harry Potter, who was sitting alone reading a book. He slowly made his way toward Harry and stopped a few feet behind him. Clearing his throat, he waited for the other boy to turn around. Seconds later, Malfoy found himself unable to speak as he stared into Harry's bright green eyes. The other boy blinked in surprise and then smiled brightly at Malfoy.  
  
"Did you want something, Draco?" he asked in a friendly manner.  
  
"Could…could I talk to you?" the blonde asked uncertainly.  
  
"Sure. Do you want to sit down or would you rather go somewhere more private?" he asked.  
  
"Um…somewhere more private," replied Draco, who didn't want anyone to see what he was about to do. He stood and motioned for Harry to follow him. Turning, he made his way up the stairs, through several corridors and up one final flight of stairs. They were now standing in Draco's recently vacated sanctuary, the east tower. He made his way to the window and looked out over the grounds of the school before looking uncertainly at Harry, who smiled encouragingly at him.  
  
"So, what did you want to talk to me about?" he asked curiously. Draco took a deep breath and decided to just come out and tell him.  
  
"Professor Snape said I should be honest with you and tell you something that's been bothering me for awhile."  
  
"You don't have to be nervous about talking to me. I know we've never been the best of friends but I'd like to change that," said Harry truthfully. Draco sighed.  
  
"I like you Harry," he said with a little bit of difficulty. Harry smiled slightly.  
  
"I like you too, Draco. And I hope we can become better friends…"he began, but Draco cut him off.  
  
"No Harry. Not like as friends. I mean like as more than a friend. I…I'm in love with you," he said very softly.  
  
For a minute, Harry just stood there staring and then a terrible thought occurred to Draco. What if Harry wasn't gay. 'Oh my God, he probably hates me.' He turned away from Harry and began to walk toward the stairs.  
  
"I'm sorry…I just…I'm sorry," he said again as he started down the stairs.  
  
"Wait," cried Harry. Draco turned and looked at the other boy, who was now smiling shyly. "Don't go," he said softly. "Please."  
  
The blonde nodded and stepped back into the room. Harry sat down on the floor and motioned for him to do the same. Slowly Draco made his way over to the other boy and sat down on the floor next to him.  
  
"I'm sorry," said Harry. "I didn't mean to react like that. It's just that…well…I've never had anybody tell me that they loved me. I just didn't know how to respond." He paused and looked at Malfoy.  
  
"Then you don't hate me?" Draco asked quietly.  
  
"No, I don't. I'm not quite sure how I feel about you. I mean, I like you and I want to get to know you better. And I'm definitely attracted to you, but I don't want to rush into anything. But I'm willing to give it a shot…if you are. What do you say?"  
  
"I'd like that," said Draco with a small smile.  
  
"I was hoping you would say that."  
  
"Now what?" asked the blonde uncertainly.  
  
Harry smiled and leaned forward slightly, bringing his face closer to Draco's. Then, without warning, he kissed the unprepared boy. Draco wasted no time in responding and the two only broke apart when they ran out of oxygen. Draco looked at Harry with a stunned expression.  
  
"Wow," he said lamely.  
  
"I've wanted to do that for a while now," said Harry.  
  
At that, Draco smiled, his first real smile in a long time. And as he sat there on the tower floor with Harry, he couldn't help but think that his life was getting better. It was far from being perfect, but he was well on his way to happiness.  
  
  
  
A/N. Well, that's it for now. Hope you enjoy it. As always, please review.  
  
~YamatoLuv7~ 


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